• GO BACK

CHAPTER 3

Kazan was willing to take a child that he does not know, into his own home, and was seemingly okay with it. He was one of very few with the kindest heart that I have ever met. Even on the way to his home, he stopped by a convenience store to buy me an onigiri, which is now one of my favorite food to eat. At the time, I still found it weird how a stranger was willing to help a very hated little girl. I had very dark doubts and I was overthinking, but they were all cleared once we stepped inside his home and he showed me how he actually is.

“Welcome to my home Sakura. Please make yourself comfortable,” Kazan says as I stepped inside as he slid the door open for me. I looked around in awe since I have never seen the interior of another house before. It felt so cozy and way nicer than in the other home where I used to live. It was very clean and organized, I got to know Kazan's taste.

I felt the urge to look around so I turned to him, and he looked back at me with a smile before he nodded with approval. I stepped into one of the rooms, and I could not believe how comforting it was to stand in. To me, it felt like I was living in a whole other world.

It almost felt like I was living in a cruel dream, and that I was waiting for someone to wake me up once I would get too accommodated.

I sat down on one of the cushions and placed my hands on the chabudai that was placed in front of me. Back at my home, we did not have one of these, we had a normal wooden table that could have snapped or broken at any time. I heard him chuckle behind me, and I would turn around to look at him.

“How do you like it?” He asks me, crossing his big arms over his chest.

“I-I think it’s awesome,” I replied calmly, trying hard so that my excitement would not show, which my eyes did anyways. I felt his hand rest on my shoulder behind me, and I shivered in response. I was not used to being touched by anyone like this, in a comforting manner. Then, I felt his hand leave me. I was hoping that I did not make him feel uncomfortable with the response that I gave.

“How about you stay here, and I will go run you a bath, alright?” He asks, and I nod in response. That sounded so pleasant to me since I have not had a proper bath in over two years now. I heard his footsteps fading away, he was making his way to the bathroom. I wanted to look around more at the things he had, but I stayed where I was. I was afraid of touching so fragile and breaking it, and that he was going to punish me for it.

But growing up I was unable to stay still, so when I heard the water running in the next room, I stood up to go see how Kazan was preparing. When I opened the bathroom door, I saw how it was nice and clean, unlike the one I had in my first home. His bathroom was decorated in a nice neutral color, and it smelled sweet. I saw Kazan kneeling before the bathtub, with his sleeves up, as if he was making sure the water was not too hot or not too cold. I saw more of his tattoos, and I was not sure why, but I felt unsettled by them at first, maybe I was not used to them. I saw him grab a bottle before turning his head over his shoulder, surprised to see me. I bit my cheek and took a step back, I did not ask permission to come and see after all. I was about to head back into the room when I heard him call my name.

“Sakura, would you like to see something fun?” He asks, in that reassuring tone once again as he turned the water faucet off, I exhaled in relief and nodded. The bottle he had in his hand would open and would pour the contents down into the water, and bubbles would form on the surface. I knelt next to him and watched how the water was turning bubbly. I thought it was mesmerizing since I have never seen anything like that. I think that my facial expression made him chuckle, I was unsure of what was funny.

“I will step out so that you can go ahead and take off your clothes, then I will help you bathe,” He says before he stepped out, and slid the door to close it for me. I turned back to the water and looked at it, so many urges were telling me to get soaked already. I wasted no time and I took off my clothes, gently piling them in the corner, and I stepped inside the bathtub. The water was really warm, and the bubbles made it more fluffy. I shuffled in the water and I accidentally splashed myself, bubbles fell over my face. I did it again, once more, and a couple of times. I was having fun in here, and I could confirm that I was giggling in amusement. It was such an amazing moment and experience that I have ever had so far.

I turned my head to the door when I heard Kazan sliding the door open, seeing him having folded clothes into his hands and a towel that was clinging to his arm. He looked at me and chuckled.

“You look like a giant cotton ball Sakura,” He comments, setting the items down on the sink counter and smiling at me, I laughed in response. He knelt in the same spot as previously and took the nearby sponge that hung underneath the faucet. Kazan then held my hand to stretch my arm. I was being hesitant at first, but I knew he was doing it because he wanted to help me. I gave in and stretched my arm for him. With the sponge, he gently scrubbed any stains and spots that were unwelcome on my skin.

With some silence between us, we both took that opportunity to talk and get to know each other more.

“Sakura, why are you not living with your parents?” It was a hard question, but his comforting tone would ease me. I looked at him, before looking down at the soapy water.

“B-Because... They don’t love me. So I just ran away,” I said, mumbling my last words. I felt him look at me, feeling his stare going through my body.

“Mm, I am sure that it is not true, little one,” He says, I felt him moving the sponge to scrub onto my shoulder now. “Every child is a blessing to the parents.”

“Father never took me to school, because he says that girls will turn into wives, and stay in the house to serve their husbands,” I said, deciding to turn around and face my back to him so that he continues to scrub the area that he was reaching now. It helped me as well, I was not good at making eye contact. “That- That's what my mother does."

"That is horrible for a child of your age to go through. I am sorry Sakura," He says, moving onto my back area. I was hoping that he would not scrub on my lower part. "Do not worry, you are safe in my hands."

It was overwhelming to hear how sincere he was sounding to me. But that time I was smiling, I was with somebody willing to take care of me. I needed to say something to him, but I was unsure on how to put my words together.

My thoughts were interrupted when he brushed the sponge on my lower back, and I quietly winced. I think he thought that he rubbed me a bit harder, but then he rinsed that area to see why I responded that way. I have never heard such a deadly silence before. I can tell that he was looking at the scars that my father has left me, I could feel his eyes piercing through me. I heard Kazan mumble something, as I felt his finger brushing against my lower back.

My lip started quivering, and my eyes began to tear as those horrible memories flashed into my mind again. I thought I was going to hate myself forever, because every time I was going to use a mirror, my scars would remind me of the horrible things that my father has done to me. Kazan must have noticed, and soon felt his comforting hands on my shoulders.

"Sakura, do not cry for me, alright?" He says, and I turned around to see him smiling. He moved his hand to wipe away any tears that have ran down my cheeks. "I promise to take care of you, and I will make sure that you feel safe with me."

I could only nod, feeling that if I open my mouth to speak, I would burst out crying.

"Very well then. I believe that we are done with your bath now," Kazan says, as he stood up to his feet. He looked down at me and smiled. "Please rinse and dry yourself up. I will prepare your bedroom for you to sleep in."

I nodded in response and saw him sliding the door closed after he stepped out. I quickly decided to rinse myself with water, in fear of taking long, and I had gotten out of the bathtub as I wrapped a towel around me. I saw the folded clothes on the sink counter, and I grabbed them (assuming that it was for me). I took off my towel to try it on. It was a black haori with red dragon prints designed on it. As I was putting it on, I assumed that it was his: It was like a dress for me. I learned to tie the front parts to keep them from exposing my front side. I used the towel to pat my hair and absorb the water as much as possible to prevent water from falling on his floors.

I was sure I was done, so I peeked my head through the sliding door to see if I could see Kazan. I heard him humming a tune in another room. I followed the source of the sound in the room, and I saw him knelt on the floor adjusting a futon. I looked out through the window: It gave me a beautiful view of cherry blossom trees. I whispered in response, as I have never been to one so close to see the petals waving from the wind. I remember loving this room, I could never make any more adjustments to it: It was perfect. I had not noticed that Kazan had turned his head and looked at me.

"Sakura, do you know why I chose this room for you?" He asked, and I shook my head in response. "Because of your name, little cherry blossom. Seeing your face, makes me realize that you like this room."

I was feeling happy, and relieved, mixed with some other emotions. I grew emotional, and without thinking I rushed to Kazan to hug him. My small arms were around his abdomen, and I remember holding onto him tightly. My face was looking to the side as I pressed my cheek against him. My breathing picked up, and soon I began crying. I could not help myself, this felt too good to be true. I felt his comforting hand slide onto the back of my head, and his other was gently rubbing up and down on my back while shushing me gently.

"There there Sakura," He says softly as his hands continued to comfort me. "With me, you can take your time with everything. You are more than free to let out your emotions here."

I nodded, to have him understand that I was listening to what he was saying to me. I felt Kazan gently pull me away, to wipe away any tears that had been resting on my face. His gentle smile made me stop crying, and soon I found myself reflecting on his smile as well.

I remember, after calming down, that he helped me get into my futon and comforted me. Kazan told me that he would stay in the room with me, and would go to his own until I fall asleep. He was sitting next to me, on the floor. I turned my head and looked at him, and a thought came to mind: As I would grow I would make sure to help him as much as I could with my life. I really owed him my life, and he would know in the future.

My thoughts were interrupted when his hand rested over my forehead

"Do not worry about your past anymore, alright?" He asks, I nodded in response. "We are together in this now."

I liked the sound of those words. I turned around to comfort myself, all while smiling.

"Go to sleep now Sakura, you must be exhausted," He says, and I nodded before closing my eyes, trying to force myself to fall asleep. I heard him say something else, before drifting to sleep.

"We are now family."

• @ L A H E A D O F D E A T H